Guest blog: Jonathan Martin has mental breakdown after teammates won't sit with him in the lunchroom

So like I said before I'm out of commission today, but a few people have asked about writing stuff for The Victory Lap and getting it posted on the site.  Since I'm down for the count, I figured today would be a good day to try it out and see what you guys think.  This one's from my buddy Murph - let me know if the Lappers and Lappettes think he should be on TVL more often.

If you wanna write for The Victory Lap, just email jdvictorylap@gmail.com your own article and I'll read it.  If it's funny, I'll post it. If it's not, I won't. You could write one article for the blog or a hundred, doesn't matter. 

Anyway, here's Murph's TVL debut:

According to multiple reports,Miami Dolphins starting right tackle Jonathan Martin has left the team with an "illness". Apparently, Martin had an absolute meltdown after teammates played a prank on him in the cafeteria on Monday and is doubtful for the Halloween matchup . The details of the incident haven't been leaked until recently, via The Miami Herald.

Initially, Martin was actually sick. The sources that broke the story said that teammates pulled a prank by getting up from a table at the cafeteria when Martin sat down next to them, claiming that they didn't want to be near him because he was sick. Martin reportedly "flipped out", slammed his food tray on the floor and stormed out of the room and the facility. He hasn't been back since.

Guess what people? Offensive linemen have feelings too! Three hundred pound monsters that could crush a full grown human’s head with one swift hand movement have feelings just like you and I. I feel for ya J-mart, I do! I’ve been on the wrong end of a couple of those lunchroom pranks. You sit down and all your friends stand up and move tables, that shit ain’t cool! Or you reach for the salt and somebody unscrewed the top on that son of a bitch! Damn, I’m getting worked up just writing about it.

And please don’t give me this whole playing in the NFL is a “mental grind” bullshit.  These people are paid very large sums of money because they are professionals.  I’m willing to bet just about every single straight living guy would kill to do what these guys do.  They’ve played this game their entire lives because they are the best at it and because of this game they are able to make a living smashing into other dudes.  So don’t give me this shit about how tough it is.  Alright ya you had a hard week of practice, go buy yourself a Bentley, feel better.  I’ve been sitting in a 4 by 4 cubicle for the last eight hours. Ever went through that “mental grind” J-mart? No! you haven’t, you probably didn’t even have to take your own ACT.  So if you’re willing to miss a game because your full grown men teammates really hurt your feelings, then fine.  Take your game off, you know what, take the rest of your career to think about it.  If I’m Joe Philbin I don’t want this pussy monster on my line.  These guys are supposed to be the meanest dudes in the NFL.  Let this guy be a philosophy teacher or paint pictures with Aaron Maybin from Hard Knocks. 

J-Mart reminds me of that one kid everyone knew in high school that at any moment could snap and bring a large semi-automatic AR-15 rifle to class.  He’s that kid that comes around a group of guys making jokes, having a laugh, and the group has to stop the conversation because they don’t want to be “that guy” that set off the kid who went on a GTA V rampage killing spree on the whole school.

 

I’m going to give the Miami Dolphins football team a little free advice.  To quote the late great Walt White, “TREAD LIGHTLY.” You say the wrong thing to J-Mart and you’re gonna end up just like like Hank.

By Murph