Ohio State fans name their daughter "Scarlet Gray"

By JD

SANDUSKY, Ohio -- A couple who root for Ohio State say they've made sure their baby daughter embraces their football allegiance by giving her a name that implies automatic fandom: Scarlet Gray.

And those are the colors that Justin and Kim King's 3-month-old daughter wears as her family watches Saturday games on their big-screen television.

Justin King tells The Sandusky Register the infant won't have any choice but to be a Buckeyes fan for life.

Ya know I wanna make fun of these people for naming their daughter after an inanimate object but honestly I don’t think I can. I can’t stand it when people name their kids Seven or Apple or whatever because it could ruin that kid’s life, but the Kings mighta hit the nail on the head here because Scarlet is an actual girl's name.  She doesn’t have to explain her name every time she introduces herself, so I’m fine with it. I actually think it would be cool to have a unique name like that if it was discreet – I hope my future sons Lambeau and Fenway agree. Plus, Scarlet Gray already has a pretty good stripper name for when she inevitably rebels against her father for naming her after a scandal-ridden football team.  

On second thought, fuck Ohio State and all of their fans. This name is gay, and I'm only saying that because it would be offensive not to.