Burglar breaks into house, catches a buzz and cooks bacon

By JD

A bacon-eating, beer-guzzling burglar is on the loose in North Dakota.

Last week, a 30-year-old Bismarck woman told police that someone broke into her home, then cooked some of her bacon in the microwave, The Bismarck Tribune reported. Three cans of Bud Light were also missing from the residence. The break-in took place sometime between 7 a.m. and 6 p.m. Monday, when the resident returned home and noticed the distinct scent of cooked bacon lingering in the air.

I’m no cook. Never have been, never will be.  In a life or death situation where I had to cook a meal that required anything more than putting something in the oven for 10 minutes, I’d die (I am pretty nice at adding the exact right amount of water to Easy Mac though). But I do know that you’re a sucker if you make bacon in the microwave. Absolutely inexcusable to cut corners on bacon – probably why Wando’s didn’t make it higher on the list of Madison's Top 10 Bars. That’s how I know this guy will get caught – no attention to detail whatsoever. Guaranteed he left fingerprints or some kind of evidence behind and we’ll be hearing about his arrest within the next week.  You heard it here first.