Man shoves fire extinguisher up his ass in racist hotel rampage

By JD

Joseph Small, 20 appeared in Westminster Magistrate's Court in London this week and admitted to multiple charges after a hotel rampage that involved him shoving a fire hose up his butt, Sunday World reported.

Police say that on Halloween, Small stripped naked on the fourth-floor hallway of a Premier Inn before inserting the hose of a fire extinguisher in between his buttcheeks and started playing with his own fire hose, according to the Metro.

Hotel workers told officials that Small, who was a guest at the hotel, then began yelling at a Bangladeshi hotel worker, saying "This country has been taken over by al-Qaeda. Go back to Pakistan."

Oh yeah, he also peed on the floor.

On Tuesday, he admitted to charges of criminal damage, racially aggravated harassment and outraging public decency. He will be sentenced December 3.

See stories like these really freak me out because there’s always the outside shot that Joseph Small is actually privy to some type of information that the rest of us aren’t.  Everyone’s quick to call him crazy, but what if he legitimately knows something else that no one else is supposed to? 

As I sit here in my boxers blogging about dudes whacking off at the DMV instead of going to class, it’s hard to imagine a situation where I would be given access to secret information involving our national security. But if somehow I found out that America was legitimately being taken over by al-Qaeda, I’d probably shove a fire extinguisher up my ass too.  Just food for thought. 

PS – In regards to whether or not Joseph Small is a racist, you need to make a choice: A) You can admit that you’ve wanted to tell some cab driver that didn’t speak a word of English to “go back to Pakistan,” and acknowledge that Joseph Small's only crime was having the balls to actually say it, or  B) You can lie about it.  There is no third option.