The Official Big Ten All Bro Team

By JD

So yesterday Bro Bible put out their preseason All Bro Team for college basketball, which is something I’ve thought about doing for the Big Ten since before The Victory Lap even existed. Now I’m not gonna try to convince you that I had the idea first, but what I will tell you is that Bro Bible’s list absolutely sucked – made no sense whatsoever. Take a look if you don't believe me.

Aaron Craft? He may be the exact opposite of a bro – one of those assholes that somehow has a GPA higher than 4.0 even though that’s not even possible.  Andrew Wiggins? Yeah he’ll be the first pick in next year’s draft, but that doesn’t make you a bro. Kevin Ware? Great story, but last time I checked snapping your leg in half doesn’t mean you're a bro either.

Obviously they hit the nail on the head with Marshall Henderson, I’ll give em that. (Funny story about him that most people don’t even know – he snap chatted Bo Ryan’s daughter a picture of himself giving the finger with the caption “Fuck the Badgers” after beating Wisconsin in the first round of last year's tournament.)

Nine teams from the Big Ten tip-off their seasons tonight. So, without further ado, here's the official Big Ten All Bro Team:

Will Sheehey (Indiana)

Sheehey may be a role player for Indiana, but he is the unquestioned leader and star of the Big Ten All Bro Team, and he treats Little Five like his own personal brothel. How he could be left off Bro Bible’s list is an absolute mystery to me, but hey, that’s why The Victory Lap is here. As a Wisconsin guy I hate him, but as a bro I have to respect him.

Russell Byrd (Michigan State)

This bro’s Twitter account told me just about everything I need to know about Russell Byrd. First of all, check out his profile picture, then take a look at the tweets.

Russell Byrd, welcome to the Big Ten All Bro Team. #keepgrindin

Spike Albrecht (Michigan)

This bro shot his way into the spotlight in last year’s National Championship loss against Louisville, but that’s not why he’s on this team.  You may or may not remember him tweeting at Kate Upton after his unexpected 17 point performance, and pretending you have a shot at one of the hottest chicks on earth is one of the bro-iest things you can do.

Mike Peltz (Nebraska)

Every Bro Team needs a guy that’s ripped out of his mind and knows it, and Peltz is the bruiser of this squad. He benches 380 lbs. and I’m guessing doesn’t own any shirts with sleeves. I wouldn’t either if my arms looked like that.

Jordan Smith (Wisconsin)

Smith may get the least media attention out of this group, but he may also be the biggest bro on the team. All you really need to know is that he redshirted his junior year a la Alex Moran from Blue Mountain State. And if that’s not enough, here’s his Halloween costume:

Additional note: When I asked Smith if he was OK with being mentioned as part of the All Bro Team, his biggest concern was that I included one of the pictures with his robe open so the Lappers and Lappettes could see his abs. So you tell me.

Sixth Man: Josh Oglesby (Iowa)

Oglesby went down with a broken foot today, but I’m sure he’ll find solace in being named to the Big Ten All Bro Team. He’s a leisure studies major, which I think means he does nothing in college but play basketball and smoke weed. And his team headshot looks like it belongs in a frat composite instead of a college basketball program.

Coach Tom Crean (Indiana)

First and foremost, a bro loves himself more than he loves anything else, and Tom Crean loves himself more than any coach in the country. You just know he spends too long in front of the mirror getting that part in his hair exactly right before games. If this was an All Bro Team for the entire NCAA, Tom Crean would at least be in the running for bro-iest coach in America.